I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
