Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
