I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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