I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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