who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
