I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
