i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
