Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
