please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
