i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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