Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
