But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
