We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
