Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
