M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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