she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
