i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
