The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
