You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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