My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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