tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
