Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
