It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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