I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
