GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
