After last night, I could never be a politician.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
do nipples grow back?
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