she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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