Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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