Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
