Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize