There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
