I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
