The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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