Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
