He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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