I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
