Duck Duck Cougar?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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