i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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