Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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