I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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