Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
