It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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