You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
