You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
