dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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