I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you didnt know i had herpes?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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