Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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