3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Randomize
