He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
