she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
