So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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