What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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