We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
