my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
