god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
