dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
