The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
