did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
