I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ā¹ļø
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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