tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
