Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
