i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
