You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
