So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize