turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
50% drunk capacity currently
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
