every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
the liver wants what the liver wants
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
