were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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