My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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