Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
