Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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