I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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