Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
