Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
