So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
