Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
