Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
