i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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