Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
