You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
