Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
