I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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