I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
