Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
