the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
