Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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