it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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